One of the hardest parts of divorce for any parent is the idea of losing time with their children. In this episode, we discuss how divorce coaches can help clients process some of the obstacles that get in the way of crafting parenting plans that focus on the needs of the children instead of the needs of the parents to maintain their identity.
Navigating timesharing and decision making can tough issues when it comes to designing a parenting plan. Neither parent wants to feel as if they're being delegated to take a back seat in their child's life When parents feel that the role they've played is being threatened, emotions run high and negotiations stall.
Our job as divorce coaches is to help our clients shift their mindset and understand that their status or position as "mom" or "dad" is not defined by the percentage of time the children spend with them. Their status as a parent is irrefutable and unchanging. Their ability to be the "math homework helper" or "boyfriend breakup counselor" or "soccer team cheerleader" is not altered by a calendar.
The child's perception of their parent's identity has not changed. Children do not see their moms or dads differently because they are not physically present. The only thing that will cause a child to view their parent otherwise is a parents' own actions. Gatekeeping behaviors like making disparaging comments or restricting access can confuse children about parental roles - timesharing does not.
The big question we can help clients answer is: "Am I making this about me or am I making it about my child?" This isn't easy work. Holding up a mirror to help clients see and move past their identity threats requires a lot of affirmation and validation. And it requires helping them shift from seeing it as a loss of identity to an opportunity to expand their identity.
You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:
Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com