Let's just sum up this episode by saying that self-reflection can be a bitch. As divorce coaches, we frequently ask clients to examine their own unproductive behaviors or thought patterns, consider alternative perspectives, or take actions that feel difficult or scary. This process of pushing clients outside of their comfort zone is what Debra calls a "love shove".
And it's not uncommon for clients to have a reaction, sometimes an angry one, when we ask them to get uncomfortable - especially when it involves reflecting on their own choices, behaviors, or expectations.
In this episode we explore 3 common responses (shut down, push back, and disconnect) that you might get from clients when you've given them a love shove and how you can handle each of them.
Spoiler alert: in most cases, an apology on your part is not warranted. They hired you because what they're doing isn't working and they need your help to make a change. Their reaction to your love shove is typically about their resistance to change and not about your competence or your intention.
When this happens, the first step is always for you to do your own reflective practice. Review the coaching session, how you showed up as a coach, your intentions, and your process. Assuming you stayed in your coaching zone, then we discuss ways to respond to the 3 common client reactions:
Shut down: Lean into their reaction and ask what's going on with them - don't ignore or step over the non-verbal cues
Push back: Acknowledge their anger and clarify how you can present these issues to them in the future in a way they can receive it better
Disconnect: Give them space to sit with their own feelings until they're ready to re-engage - you don't need to fix it for them
What you've been presented with is an opportunity - a chance to model for them what healthy conflict resolution and relationship repair looks like. Stay in your personal power, allow them to have their feelings, and move toward more effective future communication.
Remember that growth is uncomfortable. If your clients occasionally have strong reactions to your reality testing, managing expectations, or love shoves, that means you're doing your job well. Don't panic.
You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:
Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com