A couple of weeks ago we talked about amicable divorce and explored the idea that there’s a wide space between being BFF’s and being mortal enemies. In this episode, we get into one of the sneaky issues that can drive conflict - and that’s decision making biases.
In his book "Thinking Fast and Slow", Daniel Kahneman introduces us to the idea of system 1 (fast, automatic) and system 2 (slow, methodical) decision making. Our clients’ overtired and overworked brains are desperately seeking some relief; some way to get through the decision making process more quickly and with less effort. And so there are 6 shortcuts or biases that have a tendency to show up in divorce and coparenting that contribute to conflict and the inability to resolve differences.
When clients allow defense mechanisms and survival emotions to run the show, they tend to make decisions based on fear and bias. And the result is escalating conflict.
The antidote to system 1 biases is values based decision making. It is impossible to ignore or eliminate our biases, but we can help clients tune into what's truly important to them, so they can make decisions based on intention- which is values based. This might be a great time to consider using either the Best Self or Personal Values Exercise with your clients. As Roy Disney says “It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are”.
Learn more about DCA™ or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:
Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com