Divorce Coaches Academy
Divorce Coaches Academy podcast hosts Tracy Callahan and Debra Doak are on a mission to revolutionize the way families navigate divorce. We discuss topics to help professional divorce coaches succeed with clients and meet their business goals and we advocate (loudly sometimes) for the critical role certified divorce coaches play in the alternative dispute resolution process. Our goal is to create a community of divorce coaching professionals committed to reducing the financial and emotional impact of divorce on families.
Divorce Coaches Academy
The Art of Saying Goodbye: Mastering Client Exit Sessions in Divorce Coaching
Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)
Endings matter as much as beginnings in coaching relationships. Yet how many of us have let client relationships simply fade away without proper closure? In this deeply personal conversation, Tracy and Debra explore how thoughtfully designed "exit sessions" can transform the conclusion of coaching relationships from awkward goodbyes into powerful graduations that honor client growth.
Tracy shares her proven "Five R's" framework—Reflection, Recognition, Resources, Road Ahead, and Relationship—which provides a structured approach to celebrating progress, acknowledging challenges overcome, and equipping clients for continued success. Through heartfelt examples, the hosts reveal why these sessions often trigger emotional responses from both clients and coaches alike. As Tracy explains, "I have absolutely gotten emotional during exit sessions... not because I'm sad it's ending, but because I am truly proud of what my client has accomplished."
Beyond the emotional benefits, the hosts discuss the practical advantages of offering exit sessions as complimentary services that demonstrate a commitment to client transformation rather than ongoing dependency. This approach reinforces the coaching philosophy of empowering clients to become their own best advocates while simultaneously creating powerful referral sources.
Whether you're a seasoned divorce coach or just beginning your practice, this episode offers actionable strategies for implementing meaningful closure in your client relationships. Start small with reflective questions or adopt the complete framework—either way, your clients will remember how you made them feel in that final conversation. Ready to transform your practice with intentional endings? Listen now and discover how to help your clients truly "graduate" from coaching with dignity, confidence, and the tools they need for their journey ahead.
Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:
Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com
Welcome to Divorce Coaches Academy podcast. I am Tracy and I am here with my amazing friend, colleague and fellow practitioner, Debra Hi. Debra, Hi, there. We are the co-founders of Divorce Coaches Academy, and today we are diving into yet another topic that's incredibly close to our hearts the client exit session. Now, Debra, this comes up all the time in our training program, right? Coaches often ask how do I end the coaching relationship with as much intention as I started it? And just the other day, during a mentor coaching session that I was observing, someone asked about this exact topic. Right, they were curious as to how to handle a client who is doing well, moving forward, reaching their goals, and now looking to end that coaching relationship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's such a common question and, honestly, also such an important one. We tend to focus so much on getting started right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that console. How to build that rapport Starting from the console.
Speaker 2:call right yeah how to convert those consultations, how to set goals, how to move clients forward, and that is all crucial, that's all crucial. But endings that's where many coaches hesitate or even kind of avoid the conversation entirely. And I'll be the first to admit, I've been there. I don't routinely offer formal exit sessions like you do, tracy, but I have learned so much from the way you integrate them into your practice.
Speaker 1:Aw, thanks, deb. Yeah, I have made exit sessions a consistent part of my practice because I have seen how impactful they can be. I think part of the discomfort around endings, though, comes from how we view them. Right Endings are kind of a loss. We think if the client is graduating or ending our work together, that means I'm losing this important connection. Or and let's be transparent here I'm losing income. Yeah, but really, when a client is ready to end this work, to graduate, if you will, that's a huge success. That means, hey, we have done our job well. And you know what, if we do a great job supporting a strong and intentional exit, more than likely those clients become some of our biggest advocates. They refer others, they speak positively about their experience and they walk away empowered, not dependent.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's such a great point. You know, for many coaches, especially newer ones, they can be sitting with this feeling of uncertainty like what if the client still needs me? Or how do I know if they're truly ready? And I'll admit, because I haven't always had a structured approach to ending like you do, I have let some coaching relationships just kind of fade no real clear conclusion, just fewer and fewer sessions until it stops. And what I know is that doesn't serve the client or me, it just doesn't.
Speaker 1:It doesn't and it's weird, it's awkward, right. So I remember, even in my earliest days of practicing, I did the same thing. A client would stop scheduling, or I'd sense we were kind of wrapping up and I'd say something like okay, well, it sounds like you're doing well, but there is no formal process, no reflection, no intentional closing. It really felt unfinished. It wasn't until I started experimenting with a structured exit session that I realized how much value we were missing by skipping this step.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. And so that makes me think, and that's what we're going to talk about today. What would it look like if every coaching relationship ended with a sense of closure and purpose, if our clients walked away thinking, wow, I really graduated from something? So I'll say that, even though I don't have formal exit sessions, I tried to bring that spirit of celebration and reflection into the final conversations when I know a client is winding down. After all, acknowledgement and celebration is one of our core coaching frameworks, right? So I do intentionally bring that in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that graduation I'm going to do air quotes. Graduation concept is key, right. When I'm preparing a client for an exit session, I frame it that way as this time to reflect on their journey, to recognize what they've learned because so much of it is skill development, right and to look ahead as to what's next, and sometimes clients don't even realize how far they've come until we take that step. So one tool I use in almost every exit session is something I call, then and now, reflection, and this isn't a new concept, but I'll ask clients to describe who they were when they started our work together, how they felt, what they thought, what they believed, what they feared, and then we contrast that with where they are now. That insight that comes from it is really moving them forward, right, I was scared to make this decision and here I am feeling empowered. I've made not only the decision to move forward with a divorce, but negotiated a settlement agreement and parenting plan that I feel really proud about, right.
Speaker 2:Right, right, I love the then and now idea of reflection, and even when I've asked clients a little more informally to reflect back on their process, I can see the shift in their body language. Right, they go from anxious and unsure to calm and confident. And I'll often hear and I'm sure you do too like wow, I never realized how much I've grown until you just asked me about it and I said it out loud.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And those moments are so validating, not just for the client, although that's the primary goal right this is their process, but also for us as professional coaches. It's a reminder that this work matters, that we are facilitating deep, lasting transformation and how these clients are moving forward.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, okay. So, assuming we have some coaches listening that don't currently have a formal exit session protocol, let's talk a little bit about how you structure it, and I know you often refer to your five R's, so can you walk us through that in a little bit more detail in terms of what your structure looks like?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think the five R's are really essential to sort of kind of keeping us focused on what we're doing in an exit session, right. So the five R's are reflection, recognition, resources, road ahead and relationship. So let's kind of talk about each one right. Reflection we do this all the time in our work, but this in the exit session is really looking back Right, talking about what were the client's goals when they first came in. What challenges did they face? Reflecting, that's that sort of then piece, right, looking back.
Speaker 1:Looking back Recognition is naming and acknowledging, celebrating the growth and accomplishments. These are those big wins getting to a negotiated settlement or working on their conflict, communication skills with their co-parent and de-escalating conflict right. So it's those big wins. But also those subtle shifts and mindset, right, which to me are always really big but the client might not recognize how big they were, right. So we're talking about this mindset and perspective, right, recognizing the work that they've done.
Speaker 1:Resources this is so much of what we do as dispute resolution specialists is supporting clients and developing skills. So, in resources, I am reviewing with that client the tools, strategies, support systems they have developed and how they will continue to use them, whether that's in their future relationships or their co-parenting dynamics. Road ahead right, we're future focused. Right here we're anticipating what might come next, whether it's co-parenting challenges because they are divorcing somebody who has a more high conflict.
Speaker 1:Personality dating again right, redefining themselves in this new place. Or even professional transition, somebody who started this process as being a stay-at-home parent and now have also worked in the fact that they are going back to work right and that in itself provides a whole level of next steps for this client. And finally, relationships, our relationship, acknowledging that coaching relationship, expressing gratitude for the work that we've been able to do and talk about what continued support, if any, may look like moving forward. So part of that exit strategy in my five hours is talking about so we may be winding down and I think some of you guys know that my work with clients is consistent work, so my clients meet with me every week or every two weeks, so in this exit strategy we may be having sort of these touch in sessions once a month or how they're going to reach out to me if they're encountering something that they needed a little additional support on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that is such a thoughtful and really comprehensive approach. Full exit sessions or don't anticipate doing that can still benefit from weaving elements of these five R's into their final conversations with clients, especially the part about recognizing the client's growth, because so often they are the last ones to see it. Yes, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, totally. And let's not forget, exit sessions just aren't about celebrating those easy wins. I talked about this right. They're a place to acknowledge the client's resilience in the hard stuff. Divorce is not an easy process. It is not, and our clients are doing hard things right, and sometimes the biggest growth comes from the most painful moments, and giving space to honor that matters it matters.
Speaker 2:It matters. They're doing hard things, to quote Glennon and Abby and sister. They're doing hard things right. I also think it provides a space for us to process the emotional aspect that this relationship is ending, because endings can bring up feelings for both the coach and the client. There can be grief, there can be loss, there can be loss, there can be right. All these things coming up especially when the coaching relationship has been deep and meaningful and transformative, yep.
Speaker 1:I have absolutely gotten emotional during exit sessions. I'm not gonna lie, try my cow face, but sometimes I just can't. Not because I'm sad it's ending, but because I am truly, truly, honestly, truly proud of what my client has accomplished. I am, I am. They came in without these skills and strategies and lost and had overwhelming feelings and dysregulation. And now they're showing up, they're doing the work, they're implementing the strategies, they're engaging productively in conflict. Wow, yes, I am proud. And clients often cry too, not again, because they're upset, because they've seen just as you said. They're seen, they feel seen and validated. Right Relatedness I hate to bring up our relatedness and our scarf assessment, but that is a reward. Now it's not a threat and that is a powerful moment.
Speaker 2:A powerful moment right and, like we said, they often don't recognize their own growth because they've been in survival mode. So to take a moment and look back at how far they've come, that can be emotional.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right. So I also love, I think, this idea that you don't charge for these exit sessions. That's a statement in itself. Um, to the importance, right. It shows that this is about completing a process, not squeezing in another paid hour. It reinforces that coaching is about transformation and not dependency. It's the teach a man to fish, feed a man a fish, right? Yeah, exactly it is. You're teaching them to fish and now guess what? They have their own boat and off they go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is something I give my clients. It is it's not considered a paid session. It's something I schedule when a determination is made that we're winding down this work right. But in return I often get those follow-up emails right I am continuing often these relationships just in a different way and or the referrals that remind me why I do this work. Exit sessions close one door but they absolutely open another, and I'm going to say many more, not just another, one another, many Another many right so beautifully said One door is closing, it's opening several other doors right.
Speaker 2:And so for you coaches who haven't offered exit sessions before, I guess I just want to encourage you to start small, start small. Try adding one reflective question to your final session. Ask something like what are you most proud of from our time together, or what's one tool you're going to keep using going forward? You don't have to implement the full 5R framework right away to still help that client. Take a little look back, to do some acknowledgement, to do some celebration.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just make it intentional, not haphazard. Yeah, treat the ending like it matters, because it does. It is part of the arc of transformation. Clients will remember how they felt in that final conversation. It's memorable.
Speaker 2:Memorable. It's memorable and it's good for your practice right.
Speaker 1:It's really good for your practice.
Speaker 2:It is yeah, all around. Before we wind down today, tracy, what's the one thing that you would like coaches to walk away with from this concept, this conversation we're having today?
Speaker 1:Yeah that exit sessions just aren't administrative. They're truly part of this process and they in themselves are transformational process and they in themselves are transformational when done well. Right, they are the final step in helping your client become their own best advocate, equipped with the tools and strategies to manage impending conflicts. Right, I feel like in my exit sessions. Right, we were like okay, here's your backpack. Right, you got your backpack, you're ready to go and you've got this right. And for me, they are one of the most meaningful parts of the coaching relationship. Again, give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach him how to fish feed him for life. That's what we're doing. We're equipping our clients with the whereabouts to go out and do it. Go, do that thing Right. It's not codependency. The client doesn't need me If we have done our job well. They have worked in developing the skills, their boundary work, their regulation and emotions, their skills and strategies and conflict communication. All of the things right. All of the things their resources, their resources.
Speaker 2:But you also are having an intentional conversation about what does it look like if you hit a bump in your road in the future? Yeah, and how? How would that look for us? Because I think them knowing that, oh, I don't have to sign up for another 12 session package, I don't have to sign up for another 12 session package, I don't have to do weekly sessions Like that was our old relationship, our new one could look a little bit different right, absolutely, absolutely, and you get to define that with the client.
Speaker 1:So they also feel equipped right. Even if they don't use it, they know it exists right. And I have lots of clients who have been doing great and then they do hit a bump and they are equipped with their strategies. But they just ask to touch base because they need a little more validation, they want to process it through with somebody and they choose me.
Speaker 2:Somebody who already has built that rapport, developed that trust, knows the details of their situation so they don't have to tell their whole story to somebody new, like you're already their person, got it? Yep, right, you're already their person. Yeah, so you know again. If you, as a divorce coach, aren't quite ready to create this whole five-hour protocol, we're just encouraging you to start doing something with intention that honors this ending. Show your clients that you see them, that you honor this journey they've been on and that their graduation is something to celebrate, right, yeah, and I also want to bring up that by incorporating this, you're essentially creating and contributing to your own marketing funnel. Yes, we consistently stress the importance of grassroots marketing and referrals to get clients, and the exit session protocol is just one more way to increase the chances that your client will recognize how much progress they made by working with you and they will tell their friends about you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think all of you who do know me are those who don't know this about me but I only work on referral basis at this point in my career. You can only work with me if you have come through somebody who has worked with me or somebody who knows somebody who has worked with me. Right, that is intentionality. I've built that.
Speaker 1:I created that in the work that I did. Okay, we can go on and on right, so I wanna thank you all for joining us today. We hope this conversation has inspired you to think differently about the way you close out your coaching relationships. As always, we absolutely appreciate you being part of this community and we are so glad you are doing this important work in the world, because there's not a lot of other people who are doing it professionally. The world, because there's not a lot of other people who are doing it professionally. If you would like to be part of a network of dedicated professionals like Deb and I who meet to discuss issues like exit sessions, complex cases or business struggles, we invite you to join our DCA case consultation group that meets twice a month, and you can learn more about that by going to divorcecoachesacademycom and clicking on Professional Development.
Speaker 2:Professional Development, because that's what we're doing here. This is not a one-and-done kind of career Nope, not at all. All right, so until next time, you guys keep supporting families through this transition with compassion and clarity and courage, right, and we want to let you know if there's a topic you would like us to cover on the podcast. Please reach out, because we do this for you. Our only goal in publishing these episodes is to help you serve your clients better and build a successful business. So if there's something you would like us to blab about, please tell us.
Speaker 2:Yes yes, and then we will see you next week for another important conversation about professional divorce coaching.