Diversity in Divorce Coaching: A Reflection on Access, Trust, and Effectiveness

Trust accelerates the work. That simple idea sits at the heart of our conversation with betrayal trauma specialist and DCA-certified ADR divorce coach, Christina Riley, as we explore why representation isn’t a tagline—it’s a performance driver in divorce coaching and mediation. Clients don’t arrive as blank slates; they bring history, stress responses, and a relationship to systems that can either inflame or calm conflict. When cultural understanding is present from the start, the nervous system settles and the coaching room turns from explanation into strategy.

We talk candidly about the access gap at the entry point: why many people in underrepresented communities delay support not because they don’t need it, but because they’re unsure the space will be safe or relevant. That delay has costs—escalated conflict, higher expenses, and harder-to-repair ruptures. Christina shares how Black clients intentionally seek coaches who share lived experience to reduce emotional labor, build early trust, and gain the clarity needed for mediation, parenting plans, and settlement conversations. The payoff is practical and immediate: clearer goals, stronger boundaries, and a sharper distinction between what genuinely matters and what’s merely emotionally loud.

We also examine the profession’s responsibility. Neutrality doesn’t demand sameness. Competence includes cultural literacy, rigorous standards, and ethical practice that adapts to reality without diluting quality. Training organizations like Divorce Coaches Academy can widen the pipeline while maintaining high bars through mentorship, community, and honest conversations about barriers. Lived experience is not a liability; paired with strong training, it’s a lens that improves outcomes across ADR.

If you care about early intervention, reduced conflict, and durable agreements, this conversation is an invitation to build inclusion thoughtfully and on purpose. 

Listen, share with someone who needs to hear it, and subscribe to stay part of a community shaping a more effective, accessible divorce coaching field.

Connect with Christina at Christina Riley Coaching here: christinariley.com

Not yet a DCA Certified Divorce Coach? Apply for the next cohort which begins Jan 11, 2026. Find out details here: https://www.divorcecoachesacademy.com/divorcecoach

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Transcript

Why Representation Matters Now

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Welcome back to the Divorce Coaches Academy podcast. I'm Deborah Doak, one of the co-founders. And today we are having a conversation that's both overdue and strategically essential for the future of divorce coaching as a profession. When we talk about divorce coaching, we often frame it as a neutral support role, skills-based, non-clinical, and grounded in dispute resolution principles. And while that is accurate, neutrality does not mean sameness. Because the reality is this: clients do not enter divorce as blank slates. They arrive with lived experience, cultural context, historical mistrust of systems, and very real concerns about whether they will be understood without having to explain or defend themselves. If divorce coaching is truly meant to reduce conflict, support informed decision making, and improve outcomes across mediation and other ADR processes, then we have to be willing to look honestly at who is represented in this field and who is not. Diversity in divorce coaching is not a branding initiative. It's not a trend, and it's not about lowering standards. It's about access, trust, and effectiveness. So today's conversation, which I'm so excited about, is really we're going to talk about why representation matters at the point of client entry and what happens when clients actively seek coaches who share cultural understanding and lived experience. I am thrilled to tell you that I'm joined today by our guest, Christina Riley. She's a betrayal trauma specialist and a DCA certified ADR divorce coach whose practice is growing in really meaningful ways. And Christina's been really open about why she believes part of that growth is connected to the fact that black clients are seeking out black divorce coaches and what that tells us about gaps in our profession. So this episode is not about division, it's about alignment. It's about building a divorce coaching field that actually reflects the people it aims to serve. So, Christina, welcome. I am so happy that you're here. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

Thank you so much, Deborah, for having me.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

Yes, I'm thrilled. I'm thrilled. Christina, I've known each other for quite a long time. Yes, we have. We have. Yeah. So before we talk a little bit about where your practice is headed, can you give us a little background on how you arrived here? Like what drew you to divorce coaching and specifically to DCA's ADR-aligned training model.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

Absolutely. I came to divorce coaching very intentionally. My background is rooted in betrayal trauma. You know, those are my roots and systems of abuse. So I work with individuals and families at points where trust has already been fractured. And as you know, decisions carry long-term consequences. Yet through that work, I've seen firsthand how quickly relational dynamics can escalate when betrayal goes unaddressed. Power imbalances are present. And goodness, the emotional regulation breaks down, especially when families are under stress. So those moments often determine whether a situation becomes high conflict or more contained. What drew me to an ADR aligned training model like DCA was the structure, the containment. I wasn't interested in a model that like simply validated experience without preparing people for real-world outcomes. DCA, it gave me a way to bring what I've seen in trauma-informed spaces into specific approaches that supports resolution. I love meaningful impact, legal clarity. And one of my personal favorites and goals is producing long-term family stability.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

I love that you raised this idea of preparing people for real-world outcomes, which is there's going to be conflict, you're going to have to resolve it, right? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 5:23

Absolutely.

Growing Demand And Delayed Access

SPEAKER_00 5:25

So I know you got certified with DCA about a year ago. And from our conversations, I know that your practice is really gaining traction. So what are you noticing, I guess, in terms of who's reaching out to you and why?

SPEAKER_01 5:42

Yes, um, I am absolutely thrilled that I'm gaining so much traction so quickly. And what I'm noticing is that clients are reaching out very deliberately. And I think that reflects a broader increase in awareness about what divorce coaching actually is and how it functions alongside legal and therapeutic support. This knowledge is starting to spread more widely across the culture, including in underrepresented communities, where for a long time many people simply did not know that divorce coaching existed as an option.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Don't we know that?

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Yes, we do. Yes, we do. We think divorce, attorneys, courtroom. Literally, that's it. Exactly. Yes. So as that understanding increases, people are making more intentional choices about who they work with, when they seek support, and why. And I love that people are recognizing that coaching can play a role in minimizing the financial, emotional, and psychological impact of divorce on families, not just reacting, of course, we know that world of reaction, not just reacting once things have already escalated. Yeah. So for me, the attraction I'm seeing as a Black woman in this profession feels more like delayed access, finally opening up to the increased awareness of the value of coaching. It feels like a match between an existing need and a growing understanding of the value that divorced coaching brings, especially when it comes to early intervention and long-term outcomes.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Yeah, I like that. Delayed access finally opening up. I think that's a really good, a really good way to describe it.

SPEAKER_02 7:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

I know when you and I have chatted about how your practice is going, you've shared that many of your clients are specifically seeking a black divorce coach. So can you share a little bit about like how do clients articulate that need when they come to you? How are you picking up on this?

SPEAKER_01 8:01

Yes. So my clients are very direct. And you can, I can almost sense it through the screen. They'll say things like, I'm so glad you're here. Um, and sometimes just as a coach, I can watch their bodies regulate as soon as they see me on the other side. Or some of them will say, I wanted certain things about my experience as a black woman to already be understood.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

Already understood.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Already understood. They don't have to explain, and they really appreciate that. Um, some of my clients, they'll be very honest with building a team of black support. They say, I want a black therapist, I want a black doctor doctor, I want a I want a black divorce coach.

Seeking Cultural Fit In Support Teams

SPEAKER_00 8:44

So and that's really no different than those of us who work with clients that have been betrayed. They often are seeking a coach that understands their experience and that they don't have to teach or learn or explain.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

Exactly right, exactly right. Many betrayed clients want to know that you're not just learning it from a textbook, you have lived experience. So for many Black clients, there is a real desire for professional support and representation. And so they they enter these spaces. They won't have to explain the basics of realities of what it means to be Black in our country, especially in moments of stress, conflict, or vulnerability. So, so there is something from my side, what I believe is very regulating about seeing black representation across the screen, paired with, of course, solid training and professionalism. And when clients feel seen as a human being of color with real contextualized experiences that aren't minimized, that aren't pathologized and not politicized, the nervous system settles. And this is one of my favorite parts.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

That's awesome. So, from your perspective, what shifts do you think happen when a client doesn't have to explain cultural context or justify their reactions in the coaching space?

SPEAKER_01 10:27

Yes. So when clients don't have to explain or justify their cultural context, their regulation improves. That reduces emotional labor for the client and allows us coaching, allows coaching to move not only in a deeper way, but also more focused. And that's what we want each session. We want to set the focus. So trust accelerates the work. And in divorce, we know, we know timing matters. Early trust, it really can change the entire trajectory of how a case unfolds.

Trust Accelerates The Work

SPEAKER_00 11:21

I actually want to repeat verbatim something I just heard you say. Yes. Trust accelerates the work. Yes. That is amazing. So when clients come in and they think you already understand their lived experience, their cultural context, that gives you a baseline of trust that you don't even have to build. It's already there.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

It is literally already there. I have experienced it time and time again firsthand. When I have a woman of color and they see me even for the first time, it's almost like a sigh of relief through the screen. You see their bodies relax and it's already understood. It's almost something we can't communicate, but you experience in real time.

SPEAKER_00 12:11

Right. I get that. So let's go a little deeper into this because there's a long-standing belief in helping professions, right? That kind of good service, good coaching, good therapy works for everyone. What do you believe? What do you think? What's your opinion about what that what that belief system overlooks? That good is good for everyone.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

So I I think that the idea that good coaching works for everyone, it often assumes that there's a level playing field that doesn't actually exist. That would be nice. My goodness, that would be nice for all if there was that level playing field, but that's not realistic. So neutrality doesn't mean clients come in with the same relationship to systems, to authority or risk. Um, given her experiences. So to be clear, coaching that ignores those differences may still be well-intentioned, but it can miss key decision drivers for the client. I believe effective coaching can adapt without compromising standards. That's not dilution, that's competence.

Beyond “Good Coaching Works For All”

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Right. That's competence. Yes. And, you know, I I love your your comment that we are assuming a level playing field that doesn't exist and that I absolutely have no lived experience about. And you and I have spent a little bit of time, just offline, kind of talking through this because it is just something I frankly will never, I didn't live it. I haven't lived it. I don't know what it's like to be a person of color or a black woman in the world and especially engaging in these legal processes.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

Yes, yes. And there is a real difference. Uh, a black woman who's experienced uh real harm when the legal system has gotten involved at even a young age, um, when they're in their 20s, when they're engaging in relational dynamics, and even from the the one she may be divorcing from. She may have seen him be approached in an unhealthy way from the legal system. So when she's thinking about engaging, um her um dynamic is very, very different to bring down and regulate her in the space. And so when she comes and sees me across the screen, she knows that I automatically understand and can validate that lived experience.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

Yeah. So trust accelerates the work. You said that earlier. And we talked about how it's it's not a playing field, and it is something that you can understand that that I can't, even though I'm a good coach, right? So how do you think this alignment with somebody's lived experience and cultural contact affects their readiness for mediation, for legal decision making and the other dispute resolution stuff that they're gonna need to be a part of?

SPEAKER_01 15:32

Absolutely. So so when clients, I believe when clients feel understood early, they're actually more prepared for ADR processes later. Okay just think about it, they're less reactive, yeah, they're more informed, and they're better able to engage strategically rather than defensively. That's almost half the battle right there.

SPEAKER_00 15:58

Right. Because they may have some defenses up with me that they wouldn't even have up with you, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:03

Absolutely, absolutely. And so then now they can put on their strategic hat. So I see clients' intermediation with clearer goals, stronger boundaries, and a better grasp of what matters versus what's emotionally loud. And that doesn't just help them, it it improves the quality of the entire dispute resolution process.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

Right. And that's a great distinction of what matters, what's really important, what are those priorities of mine versus what's emotionally loud.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

And some of what's emotionally loud for them, I may not even pick up on or hear or understand that reaction or that response.

SPEAKER_02 16:48

Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

Yeah. So when you look at the divorce coaching landscape as a whole, can you share some thoughts about where you think maybe the biggest gaps are right now when it comes to diversity and access?

System Mistrust And Legal Context

SPEAKER_01 17:10

Sure. Um, from one of the biggest gaps I see in divorce coaching right now is access at the entry point. Many clients from underrepresented communities don't delay support because they don't need it. Absolutely they do. They delay because they're unsure whether the space will be safe, relevant, or built with their experience in mind. I know many clients who've gone into predominantly white spaces or they'll look on a website for support and they'll see that and they get scared to say, I don't know if this is this will be for me, if I'll be understood, and they'll delay the support. So when representation is limited, people tend to wait. And by the time they enter coaching, conflict has already escalated. There's more reactivity, and that's that's a loss, not just for clients, uh, but for the entire ADR ecosystem, which works best when people engage it early. And when I say that, of course, we are here for whenever you enter the dynamic. If you enter it early or if you consider it late or even post-divorce, ADR is still a support for you. And yet it does work best when people engage it early. The opportunity isn't only to diversify who becomes coaches, it is also to expand who feels invited to support before a crisis. When ADR coaching can actually reduce conflict and improve outcomes. You know, I know so many people who uh would have loved to know the ADR approach earlier on in the process, right? You know, instead of at the end or once damage has already been done. Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

Yeah. For sure. Yeah. So again, you're saying so many little golden nuggets here. I'm just like reiterating back what you said. And what I thought I heard you say is when representation is limited, people tend to wait. And we know the long the later they wait to get the right kind of support, the more conflict can escalate. They can get themselves in a situation that then it's hard to walk back from.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

Absolutely, absolutely. Um, as you know, we we we called the amygdala, you know, we always called her Amy.

unknown 19:38

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

And so here they are, they're delaying support, they don't see representation, and now they are operating from the amygdala, from that fear response part of their brain instead of their prefrontal cortex. And so, yes, when we have more representation, then of course the goal and the hope is that they'll engage early to get more support sooner.

Readiness For ADR And Mediation

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Yeah. From I'm really curious to know from your experience as a DCA coach and entering this space, what role do you believe that training organizations like Divorce Coaches Academy play in addressing these gaps and addressing them responsibly?

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Yes, yes. I mean, that is a brilliant question. I know coming into this work for me from a betrayal trauma background, before I was DCA ADR certified, I was very aware of how high the stakes are when people. Are making decisions in moments of rupture. Rupture. I mean, I'm well trained because you're already in betrayal trauma and then you have to make legal decisions.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

Right.

SPEAKER_01 20:53

So that made standards matter very deeply to me. But so did access. I didn't want to be a part of a field that was either rigorous or inclusive, rather, it had to be both. From my experience, training organizations play a critical role in shaping that balance. And one of the things I respect about DCA is that they're thoughtful about who they recruit, how they recruit, and how they support trainees well beyond certification. There's an honesty about where barriers exist. I think that's one of the first steps is recognizing barriers do exist and a willingness to actually engage in those conversations rather than avoid them. If we avoid them and act like it's not there, we can't really help the underrepresented. So it's about making sure, making sure capable, diverse people can see themselves at the bar and have a clear, supportive path to reach it. And I believe that includes continued mentorship, outreaches in underrepresented communities, professional community, and systems of support. So new coaches aren't left navigating complex cases in isolation. So when training organizations, when they do that well, when they hold high standards and build real infrastructure around the people they train, the entire profession benefits. Clients of all backgrounds benefits, ADR processes benefit. And then the work becomes more ethical, more effective, and more sustainable long term.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

Yes, every everybody benefits.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

Everybody.

The Entry-Point Access Gap

SPEAKER_00 22:53

And we try, I know we have high standards. I think we also put a lot of time and energy and effort into building that infrastructure around the people that get trained through us so that they feel supported. Because, you know, we've done a couple podcast episodes about what it really takes to build a practice. And you don't just throw up a shingle and make six figures. It doesn't work like that.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

Oh no, it does not. We all wish it did, right?

SPEAKER_00 23:22

Yeah, I wish it did. Um so let me ask you let's say there's somebody listening who's considering divorce coaching, but doesn't see very many people who look like them in the field.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

Oh, I think this is one of my favorite questions. Thank you for asking that. So I I would say this to anyone listening, your lived experience, it is not a liability. It is a lens. When your cultural lens is paired with strong training, ethical practice, and real professional support, it does, it becomes an asset to our field. It really does. And this profession needs coaches, I believe, who can hold complexity, who can navigate systems, and who can build trust quickly. Many of us, we know we come from communities, our communities have experienced the real impact of conflict, of betrayal, of repeated violations, violence even on individuals, on families, and across generations. So that perspective absolutely matters here. So I it it just it's no way around it. It matters. And so I believe if you feel called to this work, the absence of representation isn't a reason to stay out at all. It's a reason your presence matters. Not to carry the weight alone. You definitely will not be alone at DCA. You will not, but to be a part of a profession that helps minimize harm, supports clients and self-advocacy, and creates alternative pathways toward resolution, stability, and dignity. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:16

Yeah, your presence matters, and your presence matters, Christina.

SPEAKER_02 25:20

Yes, thank you, Deborah.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

So glad people are finding you.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

Yes, yes, thank you, Deborah.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

Yeah. Okay, so if, like you said, the future of divorce coaching depends on trust, access, and early intervention, what do you hope conversations like this, like the the fact that you and I are discussing this topic, what do you hope this makes possible for clients and for the profession?

Role Of Training Orgs Like DCA

SPEAKER_01 25:50

So I hope that conversations like this, like we're having, we're being open, we're being honest about the barriers. I hope um this will continue to grow awareness and make it easier for people to seek support earlier before conflict hardens and options narrow.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Hmm, isn't that the truth?

SPEAKER_01 26:14

Oh, and so so that's that's that's my hope. You know, we continue to grow the awareness in that we're not afraid to address the real barriers. That is a beautiful start. And so, so when people of all backgrounds are supported early, they're better able to validate themselves, make informed decisions, and protect their families from unnecessary emotional and financial fallout. That is one of my favorite things to support my clients in when they actually see the impact minimized financially and emotionally. So that kind of early engagement doesn't just help clients, it strengthens the profession and the ADR processes we rely on.

A Message To Underrepresented Coaches

SPEAKER_00 27:06

Early engagement, early engagement. Early engagement. Early, early, early. Yeah. Well, uh, yeah, we wanted to introduce this topic. I I have to believe we'll have a follow-up at some point, but I really thank you for bringing both honesty and insight here into our chat. Um, I think what you've shared really reinforces something we see repeatedly in this work. And that is clients don't choose divorce coaches at random, right? Because you're you. They make choices based on trust, safety, and the belief that they will be understood without having to translate their life experience for the same reason that we have a different program in Saudi Arabia than we do in the US. That's right. They they need to be culturally relevant, right? And so diversity and divorce coaching isn't about preference or politics, it's about effectiveness. And when clients feel seen and culturally understood, exactly what you said, they engage sooner, they regulate more quickly, and they make more informed decisions. And that has a direct impact on the quality of mediation, co-parenting outcomes, and the durability of their agreements, frankly. Right? So if we're serious about divorce coaching as a dispute resolution profession, one that supports early intervention and reduces conflict, then we have got to be equally serious about who has access to this work and who feels represented within it. Christina's growing practice is not an anomaly. I mean, although she's a stellar coach, like anybody listening should call her if you need a coach, but it's not an anomaly. It's a signal. It tells us there's an unmet demand, untapped talent, and a responsibility within our field to evolve with intention rather than inertia. Right. And at DCA, we believe professional standards and diversity are not competing values. They're complementary. A stronger, more inclusive pipeline of well-trained coaches strengthens the credibility of the whole ecosystem. So for those of you who are curious about this work, whether professionals considering training or practitioners reflecting on the future of the field, this conversation, guys, is an invitation not to perform inclusion, but to build it thoughtfully, ethically, and with purpose. So, Christina, I'm so glad you're part of our profession and part of uh this evolution and helping us have these conversations and be intentional. I don't want to leave today without you having the opportunity to tell listeners where they can find you and learn more about your practice.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

Yes, well, first, thank you so much for having me and absolutely listeners. You can find me at ChristinaRiley.com. That is C H R I S T I N A R I L E Y dot com under Christina Riley Coaching.

SPEAKER_00 30:34

That's awesome. Christina is also on the DCA coach locator. So if you go to divorcecoachesacademy.com and go to the coach locator, you can find her there as well. So thank you, thank you, thank you, Christina, for agreeing to come on today and have this conversation with me.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

Absolutely. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

Yeah. And thank you to our listeners here for being part of this important conversation so that we can keep the profession of divorce coaching moving forward and offering resources for everybody, regardless of their background or cultural or lived experience. So thanks for joining us today. We'll be back next week with another topic.