Why Divorce Coaching Needs Clear Standards Of Practice

The fastest way to erode trust in divorce coaching is to leave the role undefined. In this episode, we dig into why standards of practice aren’t bureaucracy—they’re the backbone that makes our work predictable, referable, and genuinely useful inside family law, mediation, and collaborative practice. When coaches adopt a clear, ADR-aligned framework, we shift from personality-driven promises to process-driven outcomes that protect clients, respect boundaries, and earn credibility with attorneys and mediators.

We unpack the hard questions that clients and professionals shouldn’t have to guess at: What does a divorce coach do? Where does the role stop? How do we avoid confusing coaching with therapy, legal advice, or mediation? You’ll hear a real case that’s popping up across the field: coaches advertising that they “write parenting plans.” 

We explain why that crosses into legal drafting and decision authority, and we show the standards-aligned alternative—helping clients identify interests and needs, apply cognitive empathy to understand the other parent’s priorities, center children’s developmental realities, and craft interest-based proposals that can be negotiated for buy-in. That’s not document creation; it’s decision-making capacity building.

We also share practical steps to operationalize standards: publish them on your site as a professional anchor, weave them into intake and client agreements for informed consent, and use shared language that mirrors how attorneys, mediators, and therapists think about roles and boundaries. Along the way, we talk candidly about scope drift, social media pressure, and how ad hoc practices weaken referrals and credibility. If you’re ready to raise the bar through training, mentorship, and case consultation, these guidelines offer a path from “how I do it” to “how our profession operates.”

If this resonates, read the DCA Standards of Practice, integrate them into your materials, and share them with your referral partners. 

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Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Welcome back to Divorce Coaches Academy podcast. I am Tracy here with my colleague and co-host, Deborah. Hi, Deborah. Hi. Happy Thursday. We're recording on a Thursday. Thursday morning. So today's episode is about something near and dear to my heart. Right. And I know you've heard me say this before. I have a lot of topics that are near and dear to my heart. But this is foundational, not just to DCA, but to the future of divorce coaching as a profession. And can you guess what it is? Everyone? Yes, I can. Okay. So I'm talking about standards of practice. Not as a compliance requirement, not as branding language, but as a professional infrastructure. Divorce coaching is no longer operating quietly on the sidelines. It's visible, it's being referenced, it's being integrated into family law, mediation, collaborative practice, sometimes well and sometimes without clarity. And whenever a field reaches this level of visibility, one essential question follows. What governs the work?

Visibility Without Structure Erodes Trust

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Yes. Great question. What governs the work? And that question is so important because growth without structure creates confusion. Yeah, confusion. Visibility without standards erodes trust. This is the intersection we find ourselves at right now. Neither of those serves our clients. It doesn't serve the children in these families, and it doesn't serve the professionals working inside the family law and dispute resolution ecosystem. Standards of practice are how a field signals maturity. They define what that role is, what it's not, what can be expected. And it does this consistently, regardless of who is delivering the service. That consistency is what allows a profession to function inside established systems like dispute resolution and family law. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

So at the most basic level, standards of practice exist to answer questions that clients and professionals should not have to guess at. What does a divorce coach do? Where does the role stop? How is this different from therapy, legal advice, or mediation? Without standards, every divorce coach answers those questions differently. And when that happens, and when that happens, the field fragments into personalities instead of practice. And and Deb, there's so many, so many people in my head going through this right now. People are popping up their images because it then is becoming about personalities.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

Personality. How many followers they have on TikTok and Instagram and how engaging they are as opposed to how grounded they are in the standards of practice for the profession. Listen, in every profession, law, mediation, mental health, finance, standards define scope. They define boundaries, ethics, and conduct. They don't restrict the professionals in those fields, they clarify expectations. And listen, divorce coaching doesn't get a pass simply because it's newer. In fact, being newer really makes these standards more critical, not less. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

Standards move divorce coaching from I'm gonna take a deep breath. Take a deep breath.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

From experience-driven work to process-driven practice. I had a divorce, and so now I can help you. Experience-driven work.

Defining Scope And Boundaries

SPEAKER_01 5:09

They protect clients from confusion, professionals from overreach, and let's be honest, the field from credibility erosion.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

Yes, which we hear stories about all the time, right? One of the most important elements of the DCA standards of practice is their explicit, explicit alignment with divorce coaching as a form of individual dispute resolution. And that positioning matters, not just for divorce coaches, but for the professionals who refer to them. If you want referrals, this is important.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

Yeah, because from an attorney or mediator perspective, referrals carry risk. I mean, they carry risk for me. You don't hear me doing it very lightly. So when when you refer a client to a divorce coach, you're basically implicitly saying this person understands their role, they won't practice law without a license, they won't destabilize my client emotionally, and they will not undermine the dispute resolution process. Without standards, that is a leap of faith.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

Absolutely. But with standards, it's a professional decision. Standards make divorce coaching legible, understandable, predictable inside the family law ecosystem. They clarify scope, they reinforce the non-legal and non-clinical boundaries that are so important. And they articulate exactly how divorce coaching supports, not replaces legal and mediation work.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

Yeah. So for mediators, that means knowing a divorce coach is preparing a client for productive participation, not scripting outcomes or inflaming positions, keeping people further entrenched in their conflict patterns. And for attorneys, it means knowing a divorce coach is helping clients regulate, clarify priorities and interests, communicate more effectively, engage more productively rather than telling clients what to do or offering legal strategy.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

Yes. There's a risk with referrals, right? And so in a sense, right, standards don't just protect clients. What they do is they make referrals safer for professionals. Yeah. And that's what we want. Right. We want that. They they have some element of knowing what they're getting. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Yep. And and one of the biggest risks we see sort of in this broader marketplace is this ad hoc practice, aka divorce coaching defined by personal story, comfort level, or market demand rather than professional boundaries. Uh-huh. Yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes. And if you follow us on LinkedIn, you'll see other divorce professionals commenting on these very issues. And when this happens, this ad hoc practice, the role starts to drift.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Yeah. And drift is dangerous. Yeah, drift is dangerous. Not because of bad intentions, but because of unclear authority. When there's no shared framework, divorce coaches start doing things simply because clients ask for them. Or they've self-determined that they're needed based on their own personal experience rather than professional training. Or it's what's getting the most likes on their social media. That's not professionalism. That's role confusion. Yes. Standards create predictability.

Standards As Referral Safety

SPEAKER_01 9:41

I want predictability. They ensure that no matter who the divorce coach is, the work is anchored in clear scope, ethical boundaries, behavior-based language, and respectful collaboration. That predictability is what allows divorce coaching to scale responsibly without losing credibility.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

Yes. And this brings us to a real world example that came up recently in one of our case consultation groups. Aside, P.S. Please come to case consultation group if you're practicing in this field. For this very reason, right? For this very reason. This very discussion point. Please come. We had 15 people last week, which I was thrilled about.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

So yeah, but it should be the number should be closer in.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Yeah, it should be 100. But yes. But yes, I'll take it's crazy. People are recognizing how valuable it is. Okay. So one of the coaches came to case consult and raised a question that we're hearing more and more often. They were seeing other divorce coaches marketing themselves as people who I'm putting up a quote, write parenting plans for clients, end quote. And so in case consult, they ask very directly, is that what we do as professional divorce coaches? Do we write parenting plans for our clients?

SPEAKER_01 11:13

Yeah, because there's people out there calling themselves divorce coaches that do offer the service or market the service, right?

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Market this service. So they ask the question, and then after Tracy and I fell out of our chair.

SPEAKER_01 11:26

Kindly, kindly and supportively, right? Right.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

So what's the answer to that question?

SPEAKER_01 11:31

The answer is no. No, no, no, no, no, no, not at all. And and this is exactly where standards matter. Writing parenting plans crosses into legal drafting and decision-making authority. And I I want to hold that legal drafting piece, you know, kind of fluid, because there are certain areas that we can states, provinces, countries where other divorce professionals can support individuals in completing associated forms, et cetera, et cetera. But that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about drafting a legal document, writing, writing that parenting plan for an individual. And that takes that away. It crosses into this process and where we're stripping the role of what we do from that client, right? This does not belong to the divorce coach. And yet, yet, yeah, here's all what we do do, right?

The Risk Of Ad Hoc Practice

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Right, right. So what we do when we're practicing with a clear ADR-aligned framework is actually a client thinks that's what they need. But what we offer is actually far more powerful and far more appropriate. And actually, really what they need, they just don't know that yet. Right, right. And okay, I'm gonna just take a two-second time out, and that is don't we see that so often? And isn't that part of our role? Clients come in thinking they need one thing, and through their work with us and all the intentional exploration and curiosity, we actually find out that position that they came in with is not actually reflective of what they really, really want. Yeah. Okay. Absolutely. So we help clients identify their interests and needs. We help them, cognitive empathy, understand the interests and needs of their spouse. You don't have to like them, but it's strategic to understand where they're coming from and what's important to them. We help them consider the developmental, emotional, and practical needs of the children. And we hold the we hold the family system as a whole, right? In our view, it's a whole family system.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

A parenting plan is not an individual perspective.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

No, it's the best interest of the children that is uh stable and doable for the whole family.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

Yeah. Durable, I think, is a durable care. Yeah, durable. Yeah, yeah. Yes, and and and a true parenting plan requires the cooperation of the two people who are going to be vested in that process together, right? So we can support clients in identifying those needs and interests and looking at those conflict engagements and helping them understand their needs, their children's needs, best interests, what the other party's positions or interests may be, and create opportunities to look at multiple solutions or options, aka proposals that can be, with again additional support from that divorce coach, engaged with in dialogue and negotiation strategy and presentation. Wow, right? So on one hand, we have this little uh uh pathway of a divorce coach writing a parenting plan for a client, and then in the true work that we do, if we're upholding our standards of practice, all of that, all of that, because right, and I know we're gonna get into this.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

You write my parenting plan, I take it to my attorney or I take it into mediation, and the other side says no.

unknown 15:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

And you're in common occurrence, and then what? It's not gonna be so bad if they just simply say no. There may be a whole bunch of other things that come out of the blah blah blah, you know. Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

So I paid thousands of dollars as someone to draft this parenting plan, but I have no other skills to continue the conversation when I get the middle finger.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

Yes. So this is what we do, right? We support and guide clients to develop interest-based, informed proposals, not directives. Proposals that can be taken into mediation or a collaborative meeting or an attorney discussion and negotiated skillfully for buy-in. That is not document creation, that is decision-making capacity building.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

Yes, and our standards draw that line clearly. They stop role blurring before it becomes normalized, before it creates harm for clients or confusion for referral partners. Yeah.

unknown 16:43

Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

The other people who we're in this space with, right? So so once we're clear.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

The playground, we have to get along with everybody here. 100%. I'm not, I mean, I like making money as a divorce coach, but that's not my primary motivator. No, it's it's for my clients and to help the field, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Absolutely, right? Okay, so once we're clear on why standards matter, I which I I think we have kind of made that point here. And I'll leave that up to you, but I think we've definitely demonstrated why it is so essential. The next question is kind of practical, right? How do you divorce coaches actually integrate this into the work? Because standards only matter if they are operationalized.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

Yeah. And one of the most straightforward ways to do that is visibility. Divorce coaches that are trained and certified through DCA, you can reference the standards of practice directly on your website, not as a marketing copy, but as a professional anchor. Anchor. For attorneys and mediators, that visibility immediately is going to reduce uncertainty. They don't have to guess what kind of coach you are. Yep.

Case Study: Writing Parenting Plans

SPEAKER_01 18:05

Standards should also show up in in-take conversations and in client agreements and engagements. They support informed consent by clarifying scope, boundaries, confidentiality, and what what the coach will do and not do. That protects clients and reassures, again, I'm going to go back to my referral partners, that boundaries are being actively upheld.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

Yes. And in professional conversations, as you're out here in the space, standards provide shared language instead of redefining the role every time. Divorce coaches can say this is an ADR-aligned role with defined non-legal and non-clinical boundaries. That language matters because it mirrors how attorneys and mediators and therapists already think about professional roles. We're speaking their language. Yep. We're not at the Tower of Babel where we're all talking about different things.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Yeah. And of course, you know, really important to me, standards also support public education and thought leadership. When divorce coaches talk about standards, rule clarity, and professionalism publicly, they are not just building their own credibility, they're strengthening and aligning the field.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

Yeah. And let's be honest, professionalism isn't just about credentials, it is about conduct. Standards move the field away from this is how I do it to this is how the profession operates. Yeah, not me.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

Not me, us, the field, the profession, the professional practice of divorce coaching.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

Exactly. This is not how I do it. This is how we do it.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

And that collective alignment matters because we are not practicing in isolation. We are actually, actually influencing legal processes, family systems, and long term outcomes for family, for children. So when one divorce Coach operates outside of scope, it affects how the entire field is perceived. This is exactly, exactly one of the reasons I continue to pursue my professional career in education and training, which started many years ago when I became a mentor to new coaches, training out of the CDC Certified Divorce Coach Program, the time, the only training program that existed. And then I that that wasn't good enough for me because I wasn't happy with it, right? So then I took ownership of the mentor program at CDC Certified Divor Coach Program and completely redesigned it to raise the bar of that training. And then, and then I moved to further build out and expand quality training by creating and co-creating Divorce Coaches Academy.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

You know, I think back, I want to think back to the first year you asked me to be a mentor, and I said no. Right. I vaguely remember it was so long ago. I said no because there weren't any standards. Yes. We were just supposed to tell everybody they were doing a good job and not and not give feedback when they were creeping outside of scope, giving legal advice, like giving them the little bit of a smack down that sometimes in an educational environment you need. And that wasn't what the program was at that time. And so I told you no.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

Yeah. Yep. And and and this, I did all of this, this path that I've been on for the last 15 years, 14 years. This was all because I was genuinely, genuinely concerned about divorce coaches and those practicing without sufficient and appropriate training, screwing it up for the work that I was doing as an ethically aligned professional divorce coach. And that continues to matter to me. Because as I'm out there practicing, upholding these standards, aligning when there are individuals out there who again engage in ad hoc divorce coaching, they are ruining it for the rest of us.

Interest-Based Proposals Versus Drafting

SPEAKER_00 22:57

Right. They are it it taints the whole profession. It does. Right. And so the bottom line is standards are how we hold the line together. Together. Together. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

So I just wanna I just want to reiterate when we talk about standards of practice, we are not talking about bureaucracy. We're not. I don't, I don't want to engage in any further over regulatory process, but we are talking about sustainability, client protection, professional trust, and long-term legitimacy. Standards do not just protect the profession from the inside that make it possible for attorneys, mediators, and other professionals, courts to refer with confidence, knowing the work will support, not destabilize the dispute resolution process. So if you want to review the DCA standards of practice, you can now find them on the Divorce Coaches Academy website. We encourage you to read them, reference them, and begin integrating them intentionally into your work.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

I'll link them in the show notes too, so you can find them there. Thank you. Right? Yes. Because here's the deal, guys. Professional fields don't mature by accident. It doesn't just happen, they mature through intention, clarity, and shared accountability. We have to link arms around this. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

Yep. Standards are one of the clearest signals that divorce coaching is ready to be taken seriously. And I welcome it. And taken seriously by clients, by professionals, and by the systems, the systems we operate within. So come on, everyone, get on the bus with us. Yeah. And if you are not a DCAA ADR certified divorce coach, you have received training and divorce coaching from some other training program. There are a few that exist. Call us, reach out. We have a Elevate program to work with individuals and dual certification to provide you with the education and training that you did not get in your other training program so that we can continue to align the work that we're doing within this field.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

Right. We're starting to see a real uptick in people wanting to come in to Elevate. It's not the same full program that a new student takes. So that's that's credit for the work you've already done. But it's really raising the bars, it's consolidating the work, it's being really clear about the scope and the boundaries and the dispute resolution lens that we put over everything we do. So yep. All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. We appreciate it. Thanks for listening.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

Thank you.